When hope seems too far gone..

“God is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

I believe in God’s promise of being near to us in our darkest hours. I believe in His everlasting love for us. I believe in His desire to hold us during the times of rebellion and confusion. I believe in seeing His plan as perfect and without flaw or surprise. I believe in trusting Him when everything around me is falling apart. I believe in the moments of unexplainable pain and heartache, He heals our hurt and gives us hope.

Last night, I was given news that a dear friend had passed away in a car accident. A classmate, someone I shared 12+ years with, graduated with, and watched start a family. Dwelling on it last night, this one question kept snowballing in my head.. “God’s plan.. why would THIS be in His plan?” I was afraid of words.. afraid of truth. I was afraid of being upset with His plan. His plan was set in stone before Dakota was even born. God knew creating Dakota, that he would pass away last night. He knew every single detail, even down to the hour. He knew. He planned it. Psalm 139 talks about how God knows when we’ll take our next breathe, what our next thought is even before it pops into our head. He knows the number of hairs on our head because He placed them there. He knows our hearts, and He knows when it’ll beat it’s last. He is sovereign, in control of every aspect of life. Knowing that He is in control, gives me comfort and a hope of healing. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. God is still good.

“You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your head upon me.” Psalm 139:5

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:16

As I’m trying to type this, it’s hard to find the words. My heart is heavy and I’m a bit numb. It’s just so weird. My goal was to unload, to write beautiful words that gave hope to the hopeless. The only source of beauty and hope I have comes from Him, so my unloading is alot of repeating His promises to myself. A dear friend is gone, and it really really sucks, but I know it was at the hand of God. And this truth brings me peace. Some say it doesn’t make sense. Well.. you’d be right. It’ doesn’t make sense. I agree. But something I can gain confidence in is this.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I think my biggest prayer is that no one would fall away from God because of this. You want to, I get it. How dare He take someone so special, right? How could God let this happen, right? You’re facing a storm head on. Everything is hard and confusing. You’ve decided it’s too heavy and you won’t believe in a God that would take someone you love so much. You want to turn your back, and walk through this alone. You’re turning to anything and everything but Him to bring you healing.. to give you some sort of hope. You’re running away from the truth of His promises because you’re angry.

But don’t.

“Hold fast to the confessions of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

God loves Dakota more than anyone will ever fathom. God gave Dakota life, a beautiful life worth living. He gave Him joy, a family that loved him for the time he was destined to spend on earth. Last night though, it was time to go home. And we can find peace in knowing he’s with our Lord, Jesus.

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I love you.

For His Glory,

Catie

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