I was the girl who thought she knew Jesus

I was that girl.

The girl who thought she knew Jesus. The girl who supported abstinence in high school, without understanding how hard that actually is. The girl who vowed to save herself until marriage because that’s what good Christian girls do. I was the girl who wanted to follow the rules and go to church and hangout with the youth kids and never get in trouble. Except for the few parties I went to senior year because I was dying to see what I’d been missing… I went to every church event, even if my shorts were too short and I didn’t really care what the messages were about. I didn’t “do things” with boys in highschool, and my purity ring sat proudly on my finger as a way to show people I was trying to be a good Christian girl who went to church and did all the things that girl is supposed to do. I was trying to do what any girl would if she knew Jesus.

But I really didn’t know what I was doing. Or why I was even doing it. Or what I even believed. I just knew that’s what all the youth leaders and older girls at the church wanted you to do, and honestly as an inexperienced 17 year old, it sounded like a great plan. I mean, all the D-nows and church camps were so fun and easy, so that meant it would always be fun and easy, right? But when I got to college where boys were older and cuter and drinking became way more fun and all the doors of freedom fling open at once, that purity ring fell off my not so innocent little finger. And I felt like I was becoming myself. I was on my own, and my parents would never find out that I was actually spending the night in boys beds and taking way too many shots of coconut rum and fruity vodka.

I was the girl who thought she knew Jesus in high school, but soon after I was on my own, that all went down the drain. Jesus fell to the backburner because I really just wanted to have fun downtown without feeling bad the next day. And I wanted to have sex without feeling guilty. So I just ignored that silly little purity vow I made when I was a teenager. But even then, even when I thought I had it all figured out…

I still didn’t know what I was doing, or why I was even doing it. Or what I even believed.

And I think a lot of you may feel that way too. I don’t think the path I went down is all that rare. And I don’t think it’s an easy path, but for some reason so many of us fall into it. The “typical college party scene” looks glamorous on social media and movies, but if we’re all being honest, its not all it’s cracked up to be.

I want to tell you about a love that has consumed me since the day I experienced it. A love that has made me new.

This love will meet you on the bathroom floor with a hug and a tissue box full of hope and redemption. This love will hold your hand and let you cry on His shoulder because you are His beloved daughter, and He’s known you all along. He has always cherished you, even when you were wasted on a sidewalk outside of a bar and having sex with your boyfriend. He has always seen you, and He has always loved you, and He will never stop choosing you.

This love is Jesus.

And now, I get to be the girl that knows Him. Wanna know something kinda cool?

You can be that girl too.


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